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We were at the Orlando Science Centre on our Florida vacation this winter — one of the places you can go when the pools are frozen over. That’s where I saw him. CFD. The Control Freak Dad.

CFD had completely taken over one of the exhibits — the one that demonstrates how water flows down a slope — and he was busy barking orders to his two sons, his wife and anyone else who would listen. “Put this sluice gate right there! And put this one here! Here, let me do it! See how the boats speed up at this spot? No! Leave those there. No, you can’t take those out. Water doesn’t flow up!”

And while he proudly demonstrated his own firm grasp of 5th grade physics for anyone within earshot, as well as the growing lineup of kids that were waiting to just splash around in the water, he was also singlehandedly damming any creative juices that might otherwise might have been flowing had he allowed his own and everyone else’s kid’s in the room to explore on their own.

I saw CFD again this week. He was in my dining room.

This Christmas, we bought our kids the Quadrilla marble run*. It’s an amazing toy. We partly bought it out of our growing desire to give our kids fewer but better toys — safe, high quality, fun and educational toys that they’ll always remember, and maybe that their own kids will play with. But I’ll be honest. Personally, I couldn’t wait to get it out of the box.

Now, this is no simple toy. It’s more like a complex puzzle, actually. A variety of multi-coloured stackable blocks that are hollowed out so that marbles can run through them down ramps and tracks. It’s even got a spiral! It’s recommended for kids aged 4+. But it’s complicated. I’m sure the expectation is that adults will build the actual run, and then the kids will drop the marbles down. Marbles don’t roll uphill!

So, for the first few times we “played” with it, I took on the responsibility of head engineer. Also, I was the labourer. I would carefully build the marble run according to the instructions and make sure the kids didn’t knock it over while I did it. I even got familiar enough with the system that I was able to improvise and design my own run. It was a lot of fun and I was really learning a lot. But being more intuitive than the average dad, I began to  sense that something was missing.

Then, when I was otherwise occupied, my wife got the marble run out with our 6 year old daughter and actually let her play with it by herself. Unsupervised! When I came across my daughter, she was crying and saying she couldn’t do it. It was too hard! This little experiment in independence was clearly off the rails. But then I saw what she had done. She had built the first two layers of one of the hardest marble runs in the book.

I sat down and began to work with her, asking her to look at the picture and tell me what was next and then put it into place. All she needed was a little guidance and encouragement and she was able to do it by herself. It was then that I began to realize the real beauty of this toy. It appeals to both kids and adults, it encourages them to play together, and both can learn something valuable from it. Watching my daughter learn to build on her own was like watching her acquire language and learn to read, and it was immensely more enjoyable than doing it on my own (although I can’t promise I won’t keep trying a few of my own designs once she’s gone to bed).

Yesterday I read a blog post by Hans at Ukunto. Hans designs and manufacters simple wooden blocks. His premise, depite the fact that he’s an artisan toymaker, was that we don’t need more toys, we just need to spend more time with our kids. My response is that while we may not need more toys, we do need toys that encourage children and adults to play together. That’s the beauty of well made, interesting and aesthetically pleasing toys. They capture the attention and imagination of kids and adults alike, and if we can resist the urge to take over, we are able to witness the awesome creative potential of young minds — and what could be more fun than that?

*The Quadrilla marble run is manufactured in Germany and distributed in North America by Manhattan Toy. Visit this site to find a retailer near you.

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